I'm pretty much in love with anything kitschy (as if that weren't blatantly obvious). But sometimes irony crosses over into true infatuation, and that's how I explain my tremendous crush on Tom Selleck, star of Magnum P.I., Quigly Down Under, and most recently, Jesse Stone: Death In Paradise (which he co-wrote).
I can't look at his picture without tittering like a schoolgirl. I can't even look at a Detroit Tiger's cap without smiling. I consider it camping to stay at a hotel that doesn't leave a mint on the pillow, yet the mere sound of his voice has me interested in RVing.
I'm getting a little excited just writing this.
Anyway, all this lead to my discovery of a Almost as Good as Tom Selleck cake, a variant of those "better than sex" cakes. The recipe can also be found on the back of the Betty Crocker German chocolate cake mix box, but she has delicately titled it "Better-than-Almost-Anything Cake." On her website, she has distanced herself even further from the juxtaposition of sex and chocolate with the accurate-yet-unimaginative label "Toffee-Topped Rich Chocolate Cake."
I think Betty could use a date with the Brawny Man -- shake things up a little.
But back to the cake: it's fine, in a boxed-cake-mix-topped-with-jarred-caramel-and-non-dairy-whipped-topping sort of way. The sweetened condensed milk and caramel moistens the cake to the point of crumbly disintergration, but adds something to the bland chocolate flavor. I made it for a church-related picnic, and that's just the kind of recipe it is: pedestrian, unoriginal, and highly caloric.
The name is the best part of this recipe. But it's nowhere as fabulous as Tom Selleck.
Then again, nothing is.
Almost As Good As Tom Selleck (But Not Really) Cake
1 box German chocolate cake mix (plus ingredients specified on the box)
1 14oz. can of sweetened condensed milk
1 jar (16-17oz) butterscotch or caramel topping (recommended Mrs. Richardsons Butterscotch caramel )
1 8oz container Cool Whip
1 6oz package toffee bits
Bake cake in a 13x9-inch pan according to package directions. Cool 15 minutes then poke top of cake with the handle of a wooden spoon every ½ inch. Drizzle sweetened condensed milk over cake let stand until milk has been absorbed.
Drizzle butterscotch topping over cake, then run a knife around the sides of the cake to losen from the pan. Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours or until well chilled.
Spread Cool Whip over top of cake and sprinkle with toffee bits. Store covered in the refrigerator. Serves 15.